How To Be Confident – by Anna Barnes

I did something unusual for me: I preordered this book. The only books I preorder are romance novels. (Writing that sentence reminded me to go to Amazon and preorder Tessa Dare’s new book, due out on August 22, 2017. Yay!)

I loved the aesthetic of it. It’s filled with pretty quotes and instagram-style photos interspersed with good advice. I’ll share some of it.

Barnes recommends keeping a confidence diary. I really loved this advice. I haven’t done this yet, but the point is to jot down moments in the day when you’re confident and when you’re not, using that to recognize your triggers and be able to address them.

Visualize your most confident self. Sit calmly and imagine what you would look like, talk like, move like, act like, if you were at your most confident. Visualizing helps you put it into action later.

Use logic to change your self-perception. Many people, including me, have believes that they are not good enough. Use logic to inquire into that belief. If the only answer is, “I just think so,” then obviously that’s not good enough.

Use I am/I will mantras. Repetition of mantras can help you focus on positive thoughts instead of worries.

Create a good things list. Write down things that are great about your life, and refer to it in moments of doubt and anxiety. Write down ten good things about yourself. Use it the same way.

Improve yourself, but don’t compare. Comparison to others is a huge cause of anxiety, fear, doubt, sadness, etc. Instead of comparing yourself with others, Barnes advises working on ways to improve yourself.

Use good posture and a power pose to inspire confidence. Good posture can boost confidence by a purely physical means. Use this when you feel you need a boost.

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.” — Brian Tracy. There are many quotes in this book, and I liked this one.

Find a confidence role model. Think of someone – real or fictional – that has the confidence you desire. Read about them, if they’re real, and use them as a role model to inspire you.

Why not live a big life? Another quote I loved. I have always wanted to live a big life. I know I will.

Be superstitious. Things like wearing lucky socks or having a little ritual can give us a mental boost to help us be more confident.

Make bathtime sacred; make your bedroom a sanctuary. I mean, this presumes that people have access to a tub, but it’s common advice. It’s all self-care. And the advice that a bedroom should be distraction free and not cluttered is pretty common.

Cherish compliments. Remember the good things people say about you. THere was a time when I actually came home at the end of the day and wrote down the compliments I had received. It was nice to look back on that when I felt like shit.

Learn new things. I very, very much believe in this advice (along with the normal stuff this book offers, too, like exercising and eating well, etc). What helped me through one of the worst depressive times in my life was looking at my bucket list – filled with big and small things – and attacking those items one by one. A lot of them had to do with learning new things, or pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Every single experience, mundane or extraordinary, was so rewarding.

This was a super cute book filled with good tidbits of advice, and I’m probably going to pass it around to my girlfriends so they can take a look at well. We could all stand to have a little more confidence.


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